Category: Teen Topics
subject says it all, mostly
I want to tell her, but I can't actually do it, i don't know what stops me
plus, we only actually see each other in classes, so no real time to say it in the first place
also, how do I know if its just infatuation, or if i truly like her more than just a crush?
thanks for your understanding, and xcuuse me, Im only 14 haha so this kind of thing just started happening a while ago
If you're fourteen, its just a crush. Sorry, but you haven't had the life experience for something any deeper yet. But, why should that matter? Part of the glory of growing up is to love, and lose.
as for how to tell her, there are lots of things you can do. Write a love letter and put it on her desk or in her locker, or just hand it to her. Find her in the hallway and just tell her. Call her and tell her. Its up to you how you do it.
The biggest thing is, you have to play to your strengthes and be yourself. Don't try and be something you're not. You don't need to buy her roses and chocolates or diamonds, just be straightforward.
You just walk up to her, ask to talk to her, get her a little ways away from her friends and go "beth, I've liked you for a while now. You're beautiful. Would you like to sit with me at lunch or something?" You can change it around, and obviously use her name, whatever it is. You can ask her out for snacks if your town has a place where you can do that. Invite her to a dance, a basketball game, anything you like.
Hope this helps, and good luck.
hmm, I thought that's what it was
thanks for the advice, we'll see what happens
does a facebook message work? lol JK
Cody just gave you the kind of advice you can start using now, but continue to use well into your 20s and beyond. Granted some parts of it will morph just a bit, but the basics are all you need, really.
Sure, why not a facebook message. We're in the twenty-first century, aren't we? It's not wrong to get to know someone by approaching them online. Millions of people do it these days, and a ton of them actually pay to do it. So why not? Have fun.
And don't worry about being rejected. Take some risks; You're fourteen. What I wouldnt' give to be a teenager again. lol. You've got plenty of time to perfect your skill, and plenty of girls will come your way for you to practice it. If not this one, it'll be the next. and if it's this one, then hey, great. Jackpot. Give it your all and see what happens. If nothing more, you'll have an interesting story to tell.
Just one hint of advice: Cody said you don't really need much to tell a girl you like her, and I agree, but then again, why not practice early being suave. Have some fun with it. What's wrong with trying to woo a teenage girl? Roses? Chocolates? girls find that cute and endearing. she'll remember it far more than the average, "hey, I really like you; Wanna grab a pizza after school?". Nothing wrong with being chivalrous and debonair.
Well, I said that under the assumption that the two of them haven't had a lot of contact before. The way he outlined it made it seem like this was an admiration from afar kind of situation. Nothing wrong with that. Giving roses in that situation would seem a little forward. I think just saying it would serve. Roses later, by all means.
well basically, we've only had the occasional conversation, so that's not far off
thanks everybody for helping, I think I'll just message her and whatever happens, will happen
just hope things don't get weird between us as friends if this doesn't go well, haha
Welcome to the joys of dating. lol. Things are bound to get weird a lot of the time. You've got many many many years of weirdness before you. lol. But you've also got many many years of fun as well. Enjoy it and try to take things lightly. Especially now that your still in your teens.
nah, what I meant was, hope things don't get weird between us as friends if this doesn't go well, hahaha
Son, I'm gonna say this and some people aren't gonna like it but it's true:
Chicks don't date guys they want to be friends with. They date guys they want to date. Maybe not now at age 14, but soon, this is going to be the case.
Most guys leave the options open when they're friends with a chick, meaning, 'Hey, this could work out, maybe if both of us are unattached.'
But the chicks calling the guys their friends are looking for nonsexual 'male' friends at that point. Why, you may ask, will they not then just have a few gay friends? This would actually be better for the situation, but it's most often caused by their hangup about gays in general.
Of course, there are exceptions, and occasionally you will see a news report where a man actually bites a dog. But I'm just telling you the truth about how it actually works. you can and should be great friends with the one you're dating, but just as there's a difference between siblings and friendships, there's a difference between boyfriend/girlfriend and friendship.
There are women with whom I am actually friends, but although they are technically straight, to me they may as well be Lesbian. I wouldn't date them; no attraction. But if you're attracted to her, and she isn't attracted to you, don't be friends either, because you will become frustrated, and if she ever picks up on that she will become resentful.
Oh, and if they say "let's just wait and see what happens," or "Let's see if this builds into something more," that means in your language, "I would really like to date your best friend." Honestly: when they want something, they go after it just like us. See if they "Wait and see" about their causes, schools, shopping and the like. And see if they "Build for something more" with tickets to their favorite show." Nope: they're no better or worse or different than us, not if they really want something. The "better-than-you" snooty superiority card played against us studs in the 70s and 80s long passed its expiration date.
So, just go ask, but don't beg, and don't try and impress much as you'll be tempted to. If she wants to have a good time and go someplace with you, you'll know it. Remember, they don't play head games with the hair salon people, the shopkeepers, or anything else they want, and if they want you, they wont play those games either. It's the 21st century and equal is equal. We blind people want to be treated as just like anyone else, the same thing goes for gender in my opinion.
You could always be a little less direct about it.
For example, Facebook her and ask if she wants to eat lunch with you, ask if she wants to go to dinner, or do something together. You could even ask her to wait somewhere before or after school just to chat. Some girls might pick up on the subtle hint that your message is a forray into trying to figure out if they like you.
Then, you can spend a little more time with her one on one in a situation where you two are closely talking and interacting. See how it goes. See how the natural ambiance between you flows. Maybe start out with a small thing like lunch or a chat after school while waiting to go home, and later, see if she wants to do something bigger, like dinner, or a movie, or a pizza date.
Take it from a woman who appreciates the subtle approach, flat out asking her if she likes you or not might not get you the result you're looking for!
good luck!
again, thanks to both people
originally I was gonna just tell her that I liked her, not just ask her though
but now I'll think about being subtle, I've been told it isn't my strongpoint though, XD
Listen to the women, but I really like all these ideas. Me I'm with the guys though. Direct.
When I was thirteen, a guy that I'd had a crush on for over a year flat out asked me if I liked him, and I really meant to say yes, but I was just so caught off guard and so worried that I wasn't going to say the right thing that, well, ...I didn't. I didn't say no, but I kind of blushed, and evidently looked surprise. he changed the subject, and we didn't speak of it until years later when we'd both moved on with our lives. We went back and forth for awhile, but we were both in new places; new situations. sometimes I wonder how things would have been different if I'd responded differently that one faitful day after school, but, for better or for worse, I didn't.
Anyway, point is: direct isn't always better. I tend to agree with Kayla on this one, but that's just me. some girls will get bored of the suttle approach and move on. I'd start suttle, but if you sense that she seems to be getting bored or disinterested, or if things just aren't going anywhere, then you can start asking more direct questions. I'm not a teen anymore, but I'm still young enough that I definitely remember my teenage years. In a way, they were so beautiful. Getting rejected seemed like the worst thing in the world. Now there's marriage, living arrangements, work, school, finances, and so many other stuff. Acceptance is only the tip of the iceberg. and this is still coming from a fairly young person in the grand scheme of things. I'm almost 21, but I'm sure things will get even more complicated from here. when I first realized that things between my middle school crush and I weren't going to work out, and that it could have had I approached things differently, I was crushed. O, believe me...I was, but, and I know I'm going to sound kind of like a sappy romantic here, so forgive me, but you'll meet someone some day that'll make all the heartaches you'll ultimately go through seem worthwhile, and you'll know why it didn't work out with anyone before them. don't get me wrong; every crush, fling and full on relationship will give you an experience you'll take to your grave, but some beautiful moments have to end in pain, though it will be temporary.
If you go subtle, and you get into the habit of staying subtle, she will resent you later for not being direct. What I'm saying is, on the outset many of them will say they want subtle, and if you want to just play around that's fine. But when it's time to get serious with someone later on, if you go subtle, you'll start off that way and she'll resent it in her 40s when she "just can't get you to come out and tell her what you're thinking."
There's a difference between women and girls. Girls do like it subtle, yes, but when they become women, they call that 'lack of communication', and then turn it on you claiming it's all a man's fault.
So yeah, while you're kids, definitely do that. But once you become a man, and want to date a woman / not date a girl, be more honest and direct. Unless you want to end up at 40 paying for her house, her car, her shoes, and the rest of it, all on the grounds of 'lack of communication', the same thing they thought was so cute and charming when they were a girl.
eek! lol I think I'm starting to get this now
You are 14, not 24. You have a lot to grow and learn to grow. Don't rush in to anything. What you think is "like" could be just a crash. Take the advice from Leo Gardian. If i'm you i will concerntrate on other things, like study, social activities, build up your hobbies and interest. Soon you will realize girls will flighting towards your way.
Then of course, if you really want to give it a go, do ask her out for lunch or have break together. Being too strate forward could scare the girl off. If she agree on lunching with you, then you know, she is keen to be your friend, and work our way from there. Is better to be rejected by someone saying no to your lunch invitation than to run away from your "i like you" right?
Of course, if she says yes to your lunch invitation, that could means she also has some crash on you.
Either way, good luck.
yes, I think now I'll just ask to chill and maybe walk to class together, see how she reacts to that, then keep going from there
He's learning fast. Listen to the women. Lol
But when you get over 18 never mind get direct. Smile.
haha, just sent the request on FB alongside asking about what I missed on friday, wish me luck? :P
Good luck! :)
I'm still not quite sure why you guys think that direct is the only way to go after a certain age, and why that magical age is 18. I'm over 18, and I still like the suttle approach. Granted, I'm not much older than 18, but at what point do girls reach that age where they start preferring the direct one? Unless you're talking about what happens after you're in the relationship. if that's the case, then direct is the only way to go. But as for finding out whether your potential partner of interest has feelings for you, the direct approach has flat out scared me off before. Also, don't forget there's a difference between suttle, and beating around the bush. When you're suttle, you're still moving forward. You're still asking questions, and ultimately, you will get your answer. You just move in smaller steps to arrive at that final question.
Ok, first of all, I'm a teen just like you, but I've been through enough to be giving advice, I've taken advice from older people, and I just simply watch other's relationships.
The only way I've found things to work is giving it some time. There has been several times where I just talk to a guy for months and usually while talking for about 3 months, you find out how they feel about relationships, they tell you their pass, and how they feel in the current about a relationship. Hearing about there pass gives them a chance to open up (if they even open up) and that lets you know if you need to take that next step in your friendship. If you do decide from there, tell her how you feel and hopefully she tells you how she feels about you. Once that's done and if you two like each other, just go from there. If she doesn't like you, then, well, there's nothing really to do but continue being friends.
Hope that helps and makes sense. Sometimes what makes sense to me in typing don't make sense to others, so...lol
There is being subtle, and there is being overly subtle. Its perfectly fine to go about something slowly and detailedly. But when you start hiding things, and menipulating, you've taken it too far.
The basic thing to remember is, there are times to be subtle, and times to not be subtle. Planning her birthday dinner, be subtle, planning her wedding, be direct. But above all, be honest, and be genuine. I've learned from experience that girls don't like guys that aren't genuine.
@nightmare that.....sorta makes sense? lol
and still no response on the message, she doesn't check that often though, so it could still be a little while
Subtleis fine, but in my case what I mean by direct is stepping up to her and asking her to lunch, or telling her your name and asking hers. As Silver says over doing the subtle, is just to slow basicly.
If I like someone I let them know directly and deal with the yes, or the no depending, but it gets you the answer so you can move on.
You won't end up wishing you had made your case.
Now also with the direct she might say no the first time, but you can continue to talk with her, and you might get a yes soon. I don't mean be a pest, but be friendly. Soon you'll know the answer is the answer so to speak.
aiya! lol okay, was actually gonna give that a go eventually
What you should take away from all this advice, I think, is that each and every girl, boy, person, and relationship is different. Each person wants different things, and each person prefers a different style of approach and relationship. Also, live and learn. the best way to learn how to be and what to do is by experience. By experiencing failed relationships, bad breakups, and horrible mistakes is how you learn in later life to navigate a relationship.
Just be yourself. Do whatever feels good and right and natural to you. If you get impatient waiting for her FB message, go up to her and ask if she might like to do lunch. Most importantly, don't sweat it. I know it seems like the biggest mountain you've ever seen right now, but there is far more beyond this horizon. Just go for it, and let whatever happens, happen.
haha, thanks for that
well, here i go on this strange journey ^^
Just remember that whatever you feel is valid. Even if it is a crush, which it most likely is, if it feels like more to you, then let yourself feel that, and don't let anybody downplay it. Of course you don't have to go around declaring your eternal love for this person or anything crazy, but I've been in that situation many times when I was growing up, when I would like someone, and yeah, more often than not it was lust or a crush, but someone would say it was meaningless for being what it was. I'm really glad I didn't see that attitude popping up at all on this topic. And you know, not being taken seriously when you're a teenager isn't limited to relationships, either. In all areas of life, particularly emotional ones, you constantly have to fight for your right to be validated as a human being. I was so excited the day I turned 18, thinking, now is the time I can finally express myself without fear of being stomped on and degraded. I'm 22 now, and it still hasn't gotten much better, although I'm not sure if it's a product of the people I happen to know or society's general movement towards flattening every hint of individuality and integrity, or a combination of the two. But anyway, now that I got that out of my system...Good luck with this girl, and others in the future, you're gonna have a lot more experiences than just this one. And if you do get rejected, although it is a fact of life, again, don't let anybody tell you it means nothing. Don't dwell on it, but allow yourself to feel your feelings, whatever they may be. I've found that that's the only way moving on can ever be accomplished, not by denying yourself the oppurtunity to love, grieve, and heal, as I've done many times before and in many different situations.
@FireAndRain thanks! :D
Amen! i couldn't have said it better myself. Not just that, but downplaying someone's feelings will only make the person resent you in the end. they'll most likely only want to feel what they feel even more just because they're not taken seriously. Trust me, I've been there, on both sides of the coin, believe it or not. If nothing comes of a crush, or of a relationship, it's probably not because you didn't feel anything for them in the first place. it's sad how adults will all but laugh at teens when their relationships don't work out, simply because they're teens, yet there are breakups among people of all ages every day, and nobody laughs at any of them.
That's so true. Divorces can be very bitter and immature, and yet no one laughs at anyone who's going through one.
just be yourself. and fallow your heart. and you will learn a lot. and watch others around you. in there relationships. it will teach you a lot. *smiles*. i'm still learning every day. good luck.
yo bro how is it now? did she reply to ur facebook mesage? Did you ask her out?
Anyway just do watever your hart tells u to do, don't let anyone bring ya down.
And if u guys r goin out there's gona be lotsa ppl teazin ya, block them out, and dont lisin to them cuz there jus jealous.
Good luck.
I say be friends first and see how you guys actually like each other and if you guys are people who can get along. it works better anyway. ask her to sit with you and your friends at lunch goof around a bit, talk then if it's really something you stilll want take it to the next level. but it would be foolish to just go head on.